Greetings, Earthlings: The Y.M.H. here. I’ll be posting on this here blog on Mondays and Fridays. My purpose is to promote the cause of lunacy both here and abroad. It is for people to comment and vent their spleen about the horror and absurdity of existence. Perhaps some of you have noticed how bizarre life is. Perhaps some of you haven’t. Either way, open a beer, light up a doobie and enjoy! Tally Ho!

Samsung Galaxy Note 7 phones

Samsung has reversed its position and will not recall their Galaxy Note 7 phones, which reportedly have the potential to catch fire. Instead, it will send to each phone user firefighting gear like that used by firefighters, including helmets and oxygen masks.The company also announced that its newest model, the Samsung 8 Firestorm, will include a built in fire extinguisher and a recording that says, “Run away! Run away!” Also should the phone catch fire it will automatically call 911.

 

Breaking News…Satan sues God for harassment and defamation of character. ACLU will represent the devil and St. Peter will be representing the “Big G.” Peter is still haunted by allegations that he denied knowing God’s son, although no charges were ever brought against him. The case will be tried before Judge Judy. Experts are divided as to who will win. In a new survey, 98% of the people said they would rather face Satan than Judge Judy.

Breaking News…

The Vatican, Rome, Italy (not the one in Pennsylvania):

The Pope announced today that he is both an atheist and gay. Scandal rocks the Catholic world. Cardinals are shocked, Bishops jump out of windows, Grandmas lose their dentures, Vegas had the Holy Father at 3 to 1 that he was gay or atheist. The Jews say, “We told you so!” Al Sharpton says, “WTF?” Donald Trump says, “I always knew he was a communist! All Catholics are communists!”

Details at 11….

Trojan Condoms cuts Lochte loose

Trojan Condoms has cut ties with Ryan Lochte citing his recent acts of vandalism as, “Not being in concert with the values we hold dear.”

When told about Trojan’s decision Lochte responded, “Screw those assholes! I don’t need them! There ain’t nothing wrong with my goddamned values you fuckin’ vultures! Me ‘n’ the Boys were just havin’ some fun and doin’ some malicious mischief! Don’t they realize who I am? I’m not sayin’ I’m God! I’m just sayin’ I’m GREATER than God! By the way – screw God too!”

When asked if he thought he was a narcissist, Lochte responded, “Hell no! You’re a narcissist if you say you’re the greatest person in the world but you really aren’t! But I AM the greatest human being in the whole world! Isn’t it obvious? Are you people blind?

In his defense, lochte did make a gesture of contrition by donating $10,000 to his favorite charity -Ryan Lochte!

Famous Quotations:

Thomas Edison: “Genius is 1% urination and 99% constipation.”

John F. Kennedy: “For the last time, I do not need a goddamned bullet-proof top on the presidential limousine, thank you very much!”

Franklin Delano Roosevelt: “The only thing we have to fear is moronic statements like this one!”

Jesus Christ to Pontius Pilate: “I’m sorry, what was the question, again?”

President Harry S. Truman to Emperor Hirohito after the U.S. bombed Hiroshima and Nagasaki: “Yo, G! In case you haven’t noticed, you’re minus a coupla cities – just sayin'”

Adolf Hitler: “I am Germany and Germany is me – and I think I just wet my pants!”

General Custer at the Little Bighorn: “Jesus Christ, where’d all these goddamned Indians come from?”

Vietnam to the United States: “Sorry we kicked your ass but you assholes really pissed us off! No hard feelings?”

Anon.: “All it takes for evil to grow is to steal some knucklehead’s parking space!”

Richard Milhous Nixon: “I am not a crook! I am however a liar, a cheat, a sociopath and a lousy backgammon player!”

Joseph Stalin: “Wow! I didn’t realize that slaughtering all of my high ranking officers would leave a leadership vacuum in the military! I really screwed the pooch on that one!”

UNCLE BILLY’S FANTASY FARM

Hey, Kids! That’s right don’t forget to tell your parents to take you to Uncle Billy’s Fantasy Farm! It’s open right now for kids of all ages!

As usual there will be all kinds of awesome things to do like:

  1. Getting run over by a real M-1 tank!
  2. Kissing a rattlesnake right on the lips!
  3. Go bobbing for broken glass!
  4. Play pin the tail on the hand grenade!
  5. Go alligator-back-riding on Uncle Billy’s own personal alligator, “Ernie!”
  6. Get thrown off of a 500 foot ferris wheel!
  7. Ride Dodge-em cars that are made of real dynamite!

 

Prizes will include:

1. A chance to wrestle with “Fluffy” the 1800 pound grizzly bear! All by yourself!

2. A hand-painted picture of Richard Nixon’s crotch!

3. A 6 month supply of “Rage” the deodorant just for kids! (Mom and Dad – hands off!)

4. A giant 800 pound Idaho potato!

5. Free psychiatric treatment for life!

 

Lunacy Now! From the Yellow Mad Hatter!

Breaking News…

August 11, 2016 The Vatican (You know, the one in Rome!)

At 9:00am this morning, the Pope announced that he was making it a Mortal Sin to eat spaghetti. 5 minutes later at 9:05am Italy declared war on the Holy Father. When asked if nuclear weapons would be used the Pontiff declared, “At this point nothing is off the table! I’m gonna teach those dirty Dagos not to mess with the Mac Daddy of the Vatican! I’m gonna open up a can on ’em – a can of Whupass!”

 

August 10, 2016 Washington D.C.

Yesterday Monica Lewinski told the New York Times that Bill Clinton was lousy in bed. She said Hillary was much better.